When the world stops

I spent the morning in my pyjamas and socks, watching reruns of the Mindy Project and snacking on copious amounts of unhealthy treats. I hid my phone, took my old iPod out, and put on Birdy on repeat.

I got off the sofa, and after a quick shower, I put my blue jumper and purple jeans on, and made my way out of the house. I put my headphones on, and as I was wondering what song to put on, I remembered a song I shazamed a few weeks ago. I went back to the list, opened my YouTube app and found it.

The music started, and soon the music flow through me:

I want the world to stop (I want the world to stop)
Give me the morning (give me the understanding)
I want the world to stop (I want the world to stop)
Give me the morning, give me the afternoon
The night, the night
Let me step out of my shell
I’m wrapped in sheets of milky winter disorder
Let me feel the air again, the talk of friends

The words rest on my shoulders like a heavy jacket, and with every exhale I let go, with every step I come closer to a moving object, I come closer to myself, I chase him, with arms opening, eyes wet, I catch him, hug him tight, and tell him that it is ok to stop, it is okay to stand still for a second as the world spins, it is ok to feel tired, and exhausted, and angry, it is ok to hurt because you miss people that are important to you while you spend your energy towards people that are not, it is ok to feel overwhelmed when you realise that time is passing, and with every tic-toc, inhale-exhale, sunrise and sunset, you put you, your life, yourself, you on hold while you tend to other things that are deemed more important (by whom?), and then there you are, walking, listening, chasing yourself, too tired to stop, too exhausted to continue, too overwhelmed to take it all in, too weak to understand how strong you are, and you just wish, you just wish that the world would stop, when it is you that can stop instead.

And there, on the middle of a bridge full of people that are determined to walk from one side to the other, I slowed down, the moving object slowing down too, until we both stopped and took a breath in together.

Now, exhale.




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