Tag Archives: bus

Red and Grey

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The girl next to me smells of sea and sand. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in. The sun warms my eyelids, and I find that my lips are forming a smile. I had to take a difficult decision today, and I just did.

I walk in a straight line in Southbank, from the National Theatre to Tate Modern. As I pass from the OXO Tower, I slow down. Red petals push through a frosted window, scarlet against grey, warm against cold. It is so beautiful, but no one seems to notice it; I go closer; touch it. It is a warm day, but the window is cool.

There are moments that force you in a dilemma. There is no right or wrong decision. It is what you make with the decision you take. I will follow a dream, chase it until I run out of breath and then some more. I will try my hardest, do my best, and give my all.

Keeping my fingers crossed, and loving you all for being here,

G

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Penny for Your Thoughts

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Absolute blank; infinite void; totally empty. I am standing in front of a man in a suit, ready to give me a penny for my thoughts, and it is now that my mind goes completely vacant. I look at him, smile awkwardly, and let the silence do the talking.
But I must start from the beginning. I woke up today with a start, grabbed my phone quickly and checked the time. I got up, put Scissor Sister‘s Magic Hour on the speakers, scoffed down a bowl of cereal and jumped in the shower.
Minutes later I was in a crowded hot bus, that was following the London Good Weather Rule: when the sun shines, everything slows down. We were going at a snail’s pace, but so was everything around us; people seemed to stroll down the street; the power-suits were replaced with summer dresses, and the briefcases with canvas bags.
It felt as if everything around me was going in slow motion, while my insides were fast forwarding; my heart was racing, I had a deadline, and the bus was so hot. I decided to press the stop button (repeatedly), and get off, as my to-do list was burning my pocket; I had an infinite amount of chores to finish, and determined to finish on time, I went in super efficient mode, completing everything way before I expected to. I found myself startled when I crossed the final thing on my list 2 hours after setting off to do it. I blinked hard, scanned the list again, and opened my mouth as if to say something; nothing came out.
I was close to Southbank, so I decided to kill some time in the Tate Modern shop. I looked around, decided on a budget on my purchases, broke my budget, payed and walked out with two bags and a latte.
I walked out of the main entrance, and stopped. The grass in front of Tate was filled with people soaking up the sun, in various stages of undress, alone, in groups, with drinks and ice creams, smiles and pouts, mechanical fans and oversized hats. Tourists were taking pictures next to Damien Hirst’s Hymn (a giant anatomy model of the human body in the courtyard), pointing at various organs and giggling.
Just as I was thinking that it is impossible to resist loving London in the summer, a man caught my attention from the corner of my eye. I did a double take, not really sure what I was seeing.
He was sitting outside of the grass area, on a mat. His grey suit defied the weather, and the overall scruffy look that he was sporting, with his retro sunglasses and his fluorescent green digital watch. He was sat in the middle of a mountain of pennies, and had a sign in front of him. The sight reminded me of Scrooge McDuck, swimming in his pool of coins, and that fact alone made me curious; what was written on the sign? What did this man want?
I stopped for a bit, backtracked and looked at the reactions of the bypassers. Most of them ignored him. The ones that noticed him, seemed to dismiss him as homeless or a beggar. But something did not add up.
My curiosity won in the end, and I noticed that I was walking in his direction. I stopped in front of him, smiled, and read the sign.
Penny For Your Thoughts.
He grabbed a penny from the pile next to him, extended his hand to me, and held it there.
Crap. I can not think of anything. What are my thought? Think of something. Anything. Lyrics from a song, lines from a movie, memorable quotes from coffee mugs or coasters. Nothing. Not a single thing. The only thing that came out was ‘I feel stressed’.
The man smiled, looked at me, and asked me why am I stressed in such a nice day. Truth be told, I did not have an answer to that. All my chores were done, I had just bought a library’s worth of books and I was in the middle of the loveliest city on a sunny day. Why was I stressed? And then it hit me. All of these thoughts were not there before; just the emotion. I was too consumed in feeling stressed, and I did not allow myself to question why.
I smiled to the man again, shrugged and said, ‘I don’t know’. We started talking, and I learned that his name is Martin, and he is a performance artist. Penny for Tour Thoughts is a piece he has presented in Liverpool and Manchester, and is performing in London for the first time. Martin is relying to curious bystanders and their perception of him. ‘People pass and see someone in a suit, and they think, is this guy begging for money? My presence here, my purpose is to confound their expectations, to engage them’, he says, and flashes a grin. So, why here, why in Southbank outside of Tate Modern? ‘Well, I am not sure what makes a good spot, or what makes a spot at all. It would be interesting to see what people’s reactions are here, and what people’s reactions are in other places, like in the middle of the City!’.
We talked for a few more minutes, during which he told me that even though it had been a bit slow during the day, he is there until the end of the week, handing pennies for thoughts and startling people.
I got up, and felt lighter. I had a penny in my pocket, and a smile on my face. I looked around, and with my next step, I decided to join the slow-motion crowd. I went in a cafe, had chocolate cake and strawberry milk for lunch, and walked along Thames, breathing slowly, blinking, taking it all in.

Penny for your thoughts.

Love,

G

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Deller & Shringley at the Hayward: from the everyday to the absurd and back.

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I spent the last twenty minutes on the top deck of 139, listening to Kimya Dawson and reading the catalogues of the two exhibitions I have just stepped out of. We were travelling relatively fast through London, a city in a state of surprise at the rays of sunshine that were staining a perfectly gloomy day. The bus was completely empty, and had the combined smell of sunscreen and rubber. I sat on the top deck, catching a glimpse on the screen of myself sitting in the front seat, with my coat on, and my bag on my lap, looking decidedly chirpier than I was this morning.
I found my usual spot in the Oxford Circus Costa, sat down and looked at the people in the next table. A father with greying temples and sparkly eyes was making his young daughter cringe by displaying some serious public affection. She clawed her way out of his hug, and sat on the chair next to him, looking intently at his face. He started moving his hands to what I am sure he thought was the way the cool kids moved these days, and said something along the lines of can I get a hug, yo!. The daughter looked at him mortified, eyes scanning the cafe as she said to him ‘dad, you are so embarrassing’, and then flashing a warm grin and falling in his lap. It is a nice day. I take my iPad and my exhibition catalogues out, take a quick sip from my skinny caramel latte, and here we go:

Getting in the Hayward Gallery definitely looks harder than it really is. Littered with construction work and greeted with a queue that would make anyone gasp, it seems a bit of hard work. Trust me, it is worth it. And I should know, I was in a really foul mood this morning. I spent the day watching reruns of Scrubs, listening to Velvet Underground and drinking apple and ginger tea next to the window, watching the weather being as miserable as I was. I reached for the latest copy of Time Out, and saw that this is the last week for the Deller/ Shringley exhibition. Crap. I wanted to see this for ages. Well, I still had some time, maybe I could do it Thursday, before work, or- No; no; no. I would do it now. After changing music (Yeah Yeah Yeahs) and gulping down my tea, I had a shower, stood in front of my closet for a good 3 minutes, and then I was off.
I had a plan. I would pop in, wonder around the exhibitions for 30 minutes, then their amazing gallery shop for another 30 minutes, and then take the bus to the British Library for a stale scone and a guilty pleasure read. But, when I was greeted at the corner by a massive queue, I knew that the plans would have to change. I initially did my infamous undecided choreography (3 steps forward, stop, think I better leave, turn, 2 steps forward, stop, think I better stay) long enough that the queue had almost doubled since I came. I decided to join in, brave the rain, and see how it goes. If I am not in by the next 15 minutes, I will just go. However, 5 minutes later, I was inside, had my ticket, and was moving in the gallery space. The gallery assistants are not only lovely and helpful, they are also super fast, effectively cutting down the waiting time to the bare minimum. I thanked them, got the programs, and walked in.

Now, the Hayward Gallery is a really special place for me. It has hosted some of the most inspiring exhibitions I have ever seen, and introduced me to amazing talents and their work. It was there that I first saw the patchworks of Tracey Emin, or stood under a chandelier of knickers by Pippilotti. It is a truly amazing space, and I can not recommend it enough. However, I have to admit that I was unsure if their new exhibitions would hold up to the expectations that the precious ones have created.

Well, they definitely did. I first walked in to the Jeremy Deller exhibition, only to be started for a second. You see, the door actually leads inside a room; more specifically, his room, or a recreation of his room, that held the Open Bedroom exhibition 20 years ago. In a time where artists were holding open studio exhibitions, Deller was living with his parents, and that was the only space he could use. Originally seen by no more than 20 people, the space contains the room and the bathroom, with excerpts from Pensees, his artists book, taped on the four yellow walls, like civilised forms of graffiti, actually originating from graffiti found in the Men’s lavatories of the former British Library. The juxtaposition is so intriguing and thought provoking, that it is impossible not to forget that you are in a gallery space and not in someone’s actual bathroom. It is almost as if you are visiting someone’s house, and at a visit to their WC, you can not help but open their medicine cabinet. The whole exhibit has this kind of voyeristic feeling to it, like exploring the space and mind of someone close to you, without their actual consent.
Passing from the uses of Literacy (an open invitation to Manic Street Preachers fans to reinterpret and demonstrate the band’s contribution to art, and intellectual music), Jerusalem, and the impressively constructed Beyond the White Walls, one can find Valerie’s Snack Bar (where you can pop in for a quick cuppa), the amazing Acid Brass (where a traditional Brass Band plays Acid House) with it’s lateral counterpart History of the World (covering an entire wall with a simple but ingenious chart). You can see Exodus, a truly beautiful and strangely hypnotic 3D film that was the climax of his Turner Prize winning film Memory Bucket; American Travels; My Failures (with a number of unrealised projects); and Many Ways to Hurt you – the Life and Times of Andrian Street (the journey of a young man that dreamt of becoming a professional wrestler instead of following in the mining tradition of his town).
However, the two most powerful exhibits are just a wall away. The Battle of Orgreave – an injury to one is an injury to all covers a room with the still raw history of the miner’s strike and the implications it had on the social landscape. There is a timeline (that is impossible to read without getting goosebumps), videos (police training for riots control), and an hour long film (including a restaging of the event with more that 1000 participants) on the confrontation that took place near the Orgreave coking plant in South Yorkshire, something that he had witnessed through his television screen and marked him as a scene of war, instead of a labour dispute. This lead to The Battle of Orgreave, and his ‘The English Civil War Part II’.
The second exhibit that really touched me was the It Is What It Is. That part of the gallery is turned to a discussion forum, with a burned-out corpse of a bombed car in the middle of the room (dubbed ‘the conversation piece from hell’) that brought death and havoc on the 5th of May, 2007 in Central Baghdad. I can not describe the sadness that you feel by looking at what remained from the car, the violence that is carved on every inch of the lifeless object. The forum centres around members of the public and expert witnesses, people from both sides and people from no side. Regardless of the political position, the room holds such a heavy moment that you feel like the air was drained from it. It is quite powerful, and quite poignant.
Deller’s work creates some very powerful emotions, deep and raw, sometimes painful. So it felt slightly strange walking in the Shringley exhibition. As surprised as I was to enter in Deller’s room, I was equally dumbfounded when I was greeted by a headless ostrich. You see, Shringley endeavours to create equally strong reactions to his work; but of a different kind. He is aiming for ‘laughter, intrigued confusion, and disquiet’; and I can assure you, he is getting all three. His work gives birth to more questions than answers: where did the ostrich’s head go? Who is wearing these giant boots? Who deformed this ladder? And why is there a little stick man locked outside in the roof terrace?
His work seems often surreal and paradoxical, with a door painted on a wall, or a ball full of 5 year’s worth of toe nails, or even a headless drummer banging on his drums even after death (as a headless chicken would). His work is full of cheeky winks to other artists, from the hand that tirelessly turns on and off the Light Switch (a reference to Martin Creed‘s Turner Prize winning Work 227: the Lights Go On and Off); to Sleep (referencing Warhol‘s Sleep, one of my favourite experimental films), with an animation of a man experiencing sleep for 8 minutes, instead of the 8 hours.
Shringley is also brushing on the subject of death in many of his pieces, notably on the Gravestone (with a shopping list on it), or the Jack Russell Terrier that is holding a sign exclaiming its death.
It is truly fascinating to see people’s reactions to the pieces. A girl in front of me had tears strolling down her eyes when she was sitting in front of the (admittedly hilarious) drawings room. A man was laughing in increasing bursts in front of a 30 second animation on a loop, his laughter intensifying every time the loop started again. A group of older visitors were standing in front of the Stick Figures having Sex in the Hood of a Car, smiling knowingly when a group of teenagers was wondering if this was art. Two girls (and 3 guys) jumping when they spotted the Dead Rat in the corner of the room.

Shringley evokes strong emotions, but they are the ones that are usually not associated with art. His work is a cross between conceptual, graphic and humorous, and I can genuinely say that it is simultaneously amusing and thought-provocative on so many levels.

However, the exhibitions finish at the end of this week, so if I were you, I would put my shoes on, turn the screen off, and walk, run, or cycle to the Hayward as fast as I could. If however you can not see it, Hayward Press has printed two catalogs that are sold in their online shop that will provide you with all the wonderful strangeness that falls under the Shringley/ Deller exhibitions.

I am off now. But I will see you later,

Love,

G

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Gay’s the Word: The Epicentre of the London LGBT Written Word

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I decided to take the bus today. I had time to kill, a book to read, and a headache creeping up, the reminder of that third glass of wine from yesterday.
The sky was a darker shade of grey when I looked up, and I was near Kings Cross. I checked the time on the screen of my phone, took a deep inhale, and pressed the stop button.
I got off and made my way across the street and into the British Library. I went to the ground floor cafe, queued for a lemon and poppyseed cake, took my latte in a paper cup, and found a table in the corner. I sat in the admittedly uncomfortable chair and turned my phone off.
About two hours later, when my cup was almost empty and my plate licked clean, I decided it was time for a walk. I gulped down the rest of my coffee, got up and wrapped my scarf around my neck as I was walking towards the exit. I knew where I was headed.

I started walking towards the Brunswick centre. I used to live close about 4 years ago, so I knew the streets and shops relatively well. A few more steps, and I would stand in front one of the most important shops in LGBT British identity. And, sure enough, there it was.
Sandwiched between an Internet Cafe and a spa, Gay’s the Word looks a little out of place; a little queer. The blue sign, the wooden frames, the charm that it exudes making it look like it just appeared out of nowhere. If there ever was a gay version of Harry Potter, this would definitely be the Ollivanders Wand shop.
Greeted by a bell on the door and a warm smile at the counter, GTW can not disappoint. It is a literal literary tardis, housing in a relatively small space a plethora of LGBT work: in its shelves, one can find the latest queer studies, academic work, non-fiction, fiction, magazines, DVDs, postcards and small gifts (for others; or yourself; or bought for others, but kept by self).
The space’s relaxed atmosphere is partly due to the clever layout and quirky interior, but mostly to the mesmerising presence of Jim Macsweeney. Cool blue eyes and a knowing smile, Jim greets people that walk in as if they used to know each other from a different past, a different life. He radiates a disarming warmth, his face lighting up when talking about the space, the events, the customers.

I tell him about the first time I saw the store. It was my first year in London, and everything seemed so vast, so chaotic. Apart from my conviction that it was really cool to wear only red and black when going out (the delusions of youth), and that Topman was the centre of the universe (the source of the delusions of youth), I was pretty lost. I was out to my friends from home, but as I was making myself at home here, I did not know where the outside was. I was walking down the street from my student halls with my Sainsbury’s bags, and there I saw it. I stopped; walked past it; stopped; went back to it; inhaled; and walked in.

You see, like for many GTW customers, visiting this shop was a small brick to building my gay identity. It is not a badly lit bookshelf in the corner of a sex shop. It is not a pile of books next to displays of double dildos. It is an actual bookshop, a place where it is ok to be out: out in public; out in press; out in writing; out to the world. I bought a couple of books, went to my room, and read them at the same night, sat on the green rug next my bed, my phone on silent, my eyes sponges soaking up all the words. Since then, I would visit the store almost every month: from my AXM and Attitude copies, to references for my MSc dissertation, I knew I would find everything I wanted there.

Jim smiles. He tells me how the customer age group ranges from 16-85, and how just the other day, two young guys came in the store; the more confident was bringing the novice to browse. We started talking about the importance of a bookshop like this one in the normalising process, and he told me that after 32 years, GTW is the only remaining LGBT bookshop in the UK. Not surprisingly, it was in the Top 50 Independent Bookstores list, and was shortlisted for the Best Bookshop of the Year Award.
What really impressed me though is the unyielding positivity that Jim has. ‘Yes, customers are happy, we are happy, sales are great, everything is fine!’ he says. I look at him suspiciously. ‘What about ebooks?’ I say, ‘surely that must worry you. It is worrying most of the publishing world for their future’. Jim looks at me cryptically, tilts his head and says ‘I prefer to stay in the present. We have survived a lot of other things, and I am sure we will survive this one; ebooks can be something we can look for the future, but for now, life is good as it is.’
A constant LGBT presence, it must be a bit unnerving for him to see popular outlets like Waterstones and HMV to have a G&L section now, after GTW gave a fight for all the years that these stores would never commission LGBT literature. ‘Not at all’ he says, ‘I actually think it is brilliant. It makes LGBT literature visible. It makes it accessible. I would much rather prefer young people walking in their local Waterstones in Cardiff and finding LGBT material available’. He smiles. I am amazed, and a little speechless.

Here is a man and a store that have survived 32 years open, during which they have had their shares of threats and misfortunes, from rent raises to political boycotting. Even after all this, they choose not to be bitter, or miserable, or short-sighted. They choose to celebrate life. They stuck with it when the going was tough, and even if people do not necessarily realise it as they dance in clubs, or hold hands in public, or tell their colleagues they are gay, we owe a lot to this little store.

We close our discussion with talks about community: apart from a weekly Lesbian Discussion Group and monthly Trans Discussion Group, they now have a monthly LGBT Book Club, discussing works that are not necessarily under the LGBT umbrella. And if all this was not enough, Jim tells me how excited he is about the March events, and the work that GTW customers can explore:

First, the fascinating work of psychiatrist and criminologist Donald J West, who 55 years after publishing Homosexuality, can write openly as a gay man about his own experience of marrying a ‘deviant’ sexuality with a ‘mainstream’ career. The event centres around his new book Gay Life, Straight Work (01/03/2012, 19:00-21:00), and is absolutely free.
Then, the new and exciting voice of Justin Torres, in his new coming of age debut novel We the Animals (22/03/2012, 19:00-21:00, £2 entry); and Patrick Gale’s sold out event for his new book A perfectly Good Man. If you want signed copies of the books but can not make it to the events, fret not: just drop them an email at sales@gaystheword.co.uk, and they will find a way to make it happen.

LGBT History Month is almost over. I read a lot of material on the press, about the adversity and difficulties we go though. The discrimination, the pain. I have felt it as well. I know what it feels like, the taste it leaves in your mouth. I know how important it is to put it out there. You know that. However, I think that once it is out there, it is even more important to show the next step. The step of acceptance. The step of moving on. Of celebrating life. Of focusing on the positive. Of looking at the world through rose tinted glasses, that you chose to wear on a cloudy afternoon.

I have mine on now; and the world looks a little bit magnificent.

Love,

G

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